aranek9634

I live my life being afraid of failing everything I do. I don't get careless about things that could make or break my life. I care too much. I try my best to hold onto everything and everyone and every opportunity I get, but somehow I always manage to piss someone off or screw myself over. I am flawed. I try to fix my flaws, but somehow, I feel like no one is ever satisfied with that. even myself. I have heard that trying too hard messes things up, but what happens to those that get complacent and careless? it seems most people benefit from the "don't give a damn" attitude. that screws me over even more when I try it, so if neither has worked so far, what will? I've never seen a balance exist between the two. It's unrealistic to think that such a thing exists. caring too much isn't working but neither does not caring. Everything is making me feel empty and like my life isn't going to go anywhere. I am going through a lot in my life right now and I don't know what will help. My health has never been good. I don't know if I can work enough to get medical insurance. I am trying to keep the job I have, but honestly, I don't know how well I am really doing. I have faith in the people that have told me I am doing fine, but I also know those standards are always subject to change. It becomes habitual that I become overcautious and it wrecks me. I am not paranoid or crazy (no, I don't believe the world is out to get me. I just know there's alot of imbalances in my life that I can't seem to get rid of at the moment...), I just tend to think hypercritically of situations and how my life is. I don't know how to conquer it. It's just always plagued me. I think I need to support myself and be self sufficient, but I am not sure what is right for me in this world yet. I hope the inspiration and capable decision comes to me soon, because I am at a near permanent breaking point. I need things to balance out in my life. I know I have to start the change, I just need it to continue going well after I start it and not fall apart like usual. None of my other changes are really making me happy, I just know I have to do it so I am not ruining relationships.

have you ever isolated yourself so much away from the rest of the world, that it seems like you isolated yourself to the point of not knowing yourself? That you don't recognize yourself, and that the dreams that you once clung to, and still desire for, now seem like they are distant and fogged over?

Hey there guys! Barely visible LineArt versions and Painted versions of the art I already have posted will be coming soon. I don't have any painting practice whatsoever, so it'll be a good strong challenge for me so far! I hope you all enjoy watching me grow as I plummet myself into an experience that is completely new for me. I never thought I'd be good at painting, so I've never tried! I hope I can do at least decently, I've always done so much better with LineArt, and I'm definitely pushing myself out of my comfort zone with this. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GROW AS AN ARTIST THOUGH!!! PUSH YOURSELF OVER THE EDGE OF THE COMFORT CLIFF!!!

holy crap..... its been a long time I don't know what to say, but DAMN, I'M SORRY!

I am starting to take requests, I will make another post about that tomorrow!

hello to my watchers or anyone that has my art.

please be patient, I deleted the "photos" of my art, feeling that they weren't really what I wanted to present. At the time, it was all I could do, was to use my old cell phone camera. It was saddening to me but I wanted to post something of what I'd done on dA after being a member for over a year.

these deviations may come back in a scanned version, or I may use my tablet and put them up digitally. I am really looking forward to improving the quality of what I've done, just by using better equipment.

I intend to be on dA a lot more through the following months, considering that I have realized that starting out with one huge project is biting off more than I can chew. So I intend on doing smaller projects and working on the bigger picture a little later-- bit by bit. I have plenty of time.