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literature
terror among the tears 2
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Literature Text
Nachron's laughter abruptly stopped. The shock slowly sank its fangs in deep. His eyes softened. Nachron hugged onto the corpse burying his head into Ulrich's unmoving chest. With the heat leaving Ulrich, Nachron sobbed. Not yet... Don't leave us yet, Brother. Nachron wouldn't let go of Ulrich's corpse. Arythean slowly paced over to Nachron, his own feet weighted down by sorrow.
"Nachron... It's over, let him go."
"No."
Arythean knelt next to Nachron and the corpse. He bit his lip, and tried blinking back the tears but failed. He glanced up at Ulrich's pale face and stroked his cheek. Damn... Arythean pressed his hand over Ulrich's eyelids closing them. Arythean turned his head back towards the others standing in the distance.
Crystallia was clenching into Azeren, trembling and sobbing. Isiah stood paralyzed, wide-eyed, and dazed. There was no time between the attack and Ulrich taking his last breath, that the doctor could even think about trying to save his quickly dying friend. Isiah slowly sank to his knees. Beads of sweat and tears glistened down his cheeks. He glanced up at Azeren with desperation in his eyes. Azeren returned the glance with a numb angered stare. His eyes sought out vengeance.
"Those bastards... will die."
Azeren's gaze drifted down to Crystallia clenching into him. He wrapped his arms around the sobbing woman and embraced her as warmly as he could.
Arythean turned his head back towards Nachron and Ulrich's corpse. He grabbed Nachron's arm and started to pull him off of the corpse. Nachron gave a yelp and desperate struggle to keep clenching the lifeless Ulrich. Arythean pressed his hands to Nachron's chest and gave a slight push away from the corpse. Once Arythean and Nachron had a bit of distance from the corpse, he repositioned his hands from Nachron's chest onto Nachron's shoulders. He gave Nachron a stern look, yet still biting his lip and tearing up. "There is nothing--" Arythean's words stopped up in his throat. "There is nothing we can do right now..."
"Nachron... It's over, let him go."
"No."
Arythean knelt next to Nachron and the corpse. He bit his lip, and tried blinking back the tears but failed. He glanced up at Ulrich's pale face and stroked his cheek. Damn... Arythean pressed his hand over Ulrich's eyelids closing them. Arythean turned his head back towards the others standing in the distance.
Crystallia was clenching into Azeren, trembling and sobbing. Isiah stood paralyzed, wide-eyed, and dazed. There was no time between the attack and Ulrich taking his last breath, that the doctor could even think about trying to save his quickly dying friend. Isiah slowly sank to his knees. Beads of sweat and tears glistened down his cheeks. He glanced up at Azeren with desperation in his eyes. Azeren returned the glance with a numb angered stare. His eyes sought out vengeance.
"Those bastards... will die."
Azeren's gaze drifted down to Crystallia clenching into him. He wrapped his arms around the sobbing woman and embraced her as warmly as he could.
Arythean turned his head back towards Nachron and Ulrich's corpse. He grabbed Nachron's arm and started to pull him off of the corpse. Nachron gave a yelp and desperate struggle to keep clenching the lifeless Ulrich. Arythean pressed his hands to Nachron's chest and gave a slight push away from the corpse. Once Arythean and Nachron had a bit of distance from the corpse, he repositioned his hands from Nachron's chest onto Nachron's shoulders. He gave Nachron a stern look, yet still biting his lip and tearing up. "There is nothing--" Arythean's words stopped up in his throat. "There is nothing we can do right now..."
continuation of the flashback-- terror among the tears.
*tear*
*tear*
Comments3
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Pros:
Very descriptive, and excellent use of character actions and position.
Important text it identified and plainly visible, making contrasting emotions apparent.
In such a short excerpt, the array of characters displayed justifies the surrounding event, but still displays the volume of people directly effected by Ulrich's passing.
Cons:
While I am aware that this is only part of a much larger event and story, I would have liked to seen more. Perhaps more direction to the events that lead up to the passing should be covered? Otherwise, you did very well and I have no reserved complaints.
Not only is the quality of your writing further improving, you are developing the ability to deliver the emotion necessary to target the heart of your audience. I haven't read much of your work, but this leaves me wanting more the this mostly incomplete story. I like your style. ^^
Very descriptive, and excellent use of character actions and position.
Important text it identified and plainly visible, making contrasting emotions apparent.
In such a short excerpt, the array of characters displayed justifies the surrounding event, but still displays the volume of people directly effected by Ulrich's passing.
Cons:
While I am aware that this is only part of a much larger event and story, I would have liked to seen more. Perhaps more direction to the events that lead up to the passing should be covered? Otherwise, you did very well and I have no reserved complaints.
Not only is the quality of your writing further improving, you are developing the ability to deliver the emotion necessary to target the heart of your audience. I haven't read much of your work, but this leaves me wanting more the this mostly incomplete story. I like your style. ^^